Saturday, June 9, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Happy Hangover
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all.
He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party, as bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table, and, next to them, a single red rose!Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed, he looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight, I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him.
His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind.
You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,’Leave me alone, I’m married.
He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party, as bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table, and, next to them, a single red rose!Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed, he looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight, I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him.
His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind.
You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,’Leave me alone, I’m married.
Irish Talking Clock
After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
“What’s that big brass gong?” one of the guests asked.
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied.“A talking clock? Seriously?” asked his astonished friend.
“YUP, it is” replied the drunk.
“How’s it work?” the friend asked, squinting at it.
“Watch,” the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment…
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
“You IDIOT! It’s THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!”
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
“What’s that big brass gong?” one of the guests asked.
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied.“A talking clock? Seriously?” asked his astonished friend.
“YUP, it is” replied the drunk.
“How’s it work?” the friend asked, squinting at it.
“Watch,” the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment…
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
“You IDIOT! It’s THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!”
The Mother's Day Facts
Mothers' day, as we are all aware of, is one of the largest card-selling holidays celebrated worldwide. It is the day, when children express their love and respect for their moms. The day gives children with the opportunity to let moms know how special and precious they are to them. It's interesting to learn about some mother's day facts. These facts about mother's day will not only enable you to gain some knowledge, but will also astonish you. Read further to explore interesting facts about mothers.
Mothers Day Trivia:
1) In most languages the word for mother starts with the alphabet ‘M".
2) The Chinese family names usually start with signs associated with motherhood.
3) The trend of celebrating mother's day can be attributed to the ancient Greeks, who celebrated this holiday in the spring season to honor Rhea, the mother of the gods.
4) About 500 years ago, there was a prophetess named mother Shipton, who had predicted that queen Elizabeth would be the next to sit on the throne.
5) The meaning of Greek word "meter" and the Sanskrit word "mantra" is both mother and measurement.
6) In the catalog of popular children entertainment, books by Mother Goose are on the top hot list.
7) The ancient Egyptians always had a belief that "Bast" was the mother of all cats on Earth.
8) The Carnation is the flower that is associated with mother's day. The red carnation meant to honor moms who are alive while white carnation is to honor a mom who has deceased.
9) In early Christianity, mother's day was celebrated on the fourth Sunday of Lent, to honor Mother Mary.
10) The Bible honors Eve as the "Mother of all Living."
11) In Ireland and the United Kingdom, mother's day is known as Mothering Sunday which is observed on the fourth Sunday of Lent, or three weeks before Easter Sunday.
12) Elizabeth Ann Buttle holds a record for taking longest interval between the births of two children. Her first child was born in 1956 while her second child was born in 1999.
13) Jayne Bleackley holds a record for the shortest intervals between the births of her two children. Her first baby was born on September 3, 1999 and her second baby was born on March 30, 2000. The two babies were born 208 days apart.
14) Although most of South America celebrates mother's day on the second Sunday in May, Argentina celebrates mother's day on second Sunday of October.
15) The wife of Russian Fedor Vassilyev made it to the Guinness Book of Records in 1997 for giving birth to most children. She delivered 69 children, which included 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruplets.
Mothers Day Trivia:
1) In most languages the word for mother starts with the alphabet ‘M".
2) The Chinese family names usually start with signs associated with motherhood.
3) The trend of celebrating mother's day can be attributed to the ancient Greeks, who celebrated this holiday in the spring season to honor Rhea, the mother of the gods.
4) About 500 years ago, there was a prophetess named mother Shipton, who had predicted that queen Elizabeth would be the next to sit on the throne.
5) The meaning of Greek word "meter" and the Sanskrit word "mantra" is both mother and measurement.
6) In the catalog of popular children entertainment, books by Mother Goose are on the top hot list.
7) The ancient Egyptians always had a belief that "Bast" was the mother of all cats on Earth.
8) The Carnation is the flower that is associated with mother's day. The red carnation meant to honor moms who are alive while white carnation is to honor a mom who has deceased.
9) In early Christianity, mother's day was celebrated on the fourth Sunday of Lent, to honor Mother Mary.
10) The Bible honors Eve as the "Mother of all Living."
11) In Ireland and the United Kingdom, mother's day is known as Mothering Sunday which is observed on the fourth Sunday of Lent, or three weeks before Easter Sunday.
12) Elizabeth Ann Buttle holds a record for taking longest interval between the births of two children. Her first child was born in 1956 while her second child was born in 1999.
13) Jayne Bleackley holds a record for the shortest intervals between the births of her two children. Her first baby was born on September 3, 1999 and her second baby was born on March 30, 2000. The two babies were born 208 days apart.
14) Although most of South America celebrates mother's day on the second Sunday in May, Argentina celebrates mother's day on second Sunday of October.
15) The wife of Russian Fedor Vassilyev made it to the Guinness Book of Records in 1997 for giving birth to most children. She delivered 69 children, which included 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets, and four sets of quadruplets.
What is politics ?
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’ Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed .
The next morning, the little boy says to his father,
‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ‘
The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’
The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed .
The next morning, the little boy says to his father,
‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ‘
The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’
The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Mom is coming
Wife: She came just four months back only, right? Why she is coming now again??
Tomorrow is Sunday I thought of getting up late but your mom had to come on a Sunday itself and that too morning 4 O’clock.
Where will she get an auto at that time?
Husband: Not my mom, your mom is coming.
Wife: Wow Mom is coming, It’s been more than 2 months I have seen her.
Listen na, I have the number of the auto driver please call him and tell to come in time tomorrow morning.
It’s good tomorrow is sunday, even the kids will be at home as they don’t have school.
They can play with their grandmother.
Honeymoon - First Night
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.
They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “What’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
“I had tolio as a child,” he answered.
“You mean polio?” she asked.
“No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.”
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked “What’s wrong with your knees? They’re all lumpy and deformed!”
“As a child, I also had kneasles,” he explained.
“You mean measles?” she asked..
“No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.”
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
“Don’t tell me,” she said.
“Let me guess… Smallcox”.
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